Update: The Phuggest Two Weeks in Action Sports

X Games US Open Suck.jpg

The madness is over! Yey! Seriously, has there ever been a more boring version of the Disney X Games? It’s just a stale, stagnant version of its old self. Two things are direly needed: A change in venue (and by “venue” we mean a whole new location, enough of L.A. already), and less events. Amazingly enough, a massive south swell coupled with the arrival of the world’s best surfers resulted in the U.S. Open of Surfing coming through. Highly doubt that’ll happen again. Congrats to Brett Simpson for winning at his home break of Huntington. Listed below are the complete results from the latest clusterf*ck edition of the Disney X Games, plus video highlights of Kelly Slater’s Perfect 10 at the U.S. Open of Surfing.

Skateboard Park Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 2, 2009
1. Rune Glifberg - Copenhagen, Denmark
2. Andy Macdonald - San Diego, Calif.
3. Chad Bartie - Queensland, Australia
4. Omar Hassan - Costa Mesa, Calif.
5. Tony Trujillo - San Francisco, Calif.
6. Kevin Kowalski - Seal Rock, Ore.
7. Aaron Homoki - Phoenix, Ariz.
8. Jimmy Marcus - Clearwater, Fla.
9. Steve Reeves - Portland, Ore.
10. Bruno Passos - Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
 
Skateboard Park Legends
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 2, 2009
 
1. Christian Hosoi - Huntington Beach, Calif.
2. Chris Miller - Del Mar, Calif.
3. Lance Mountain - Alhambra, Calif.
4. Steve Caballero - Campbell, Calif.
5. Tony Magnusson - Del Mar, Calif.
6. Lester Kasai - Anaheim, Calif.
7. Pat Ngoho - Culver City, Calif.
8. Steve Steadham - San Diego, Calif.
9. Steve Alba - Badlands, Calif.
10. Duane Peters - Costa Mesa, Calif.
 
Skateboard Vert Men’s Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 1, 2009
1. Pierre-Luc Gagnon - Carlsbad, Calif.
2. Bucky Lasek - Baltimore, Md.
3. Andy Macdonald - San Diego, Calif.
4. Danny Mayer - Omaha, Neb.
5. Alex Perelson - San Digeo, Calif.
6. Bob Burnquist - Rio De Janeiro, Brazil
7. Rune Glifberg - Copenhagen, Denmark
8. Sandro Dias - Santo Andre, Brazil
9. Rob Lorifice - Encinitas, Calif.
10. Adam Taylor - Coco Beach, Fla.
 
Skateboard Street Men’s Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 1, 2009
1. Paul Rodriguez - Northridge, Calif. - 390.00
2. Nyjah Huston - Huntington Beach, Calif. - 364.00
3. Adam Dyet - Salt Lake City, Utah - 349.00
4. Rodolfo Ramos - Florianopolis, Brazil - 348.00
5. Nick Dompierre - New Bedford, Mass. - 310.00
6. Ryan Sheckler - San Clemente, Calif. - 221.00
 
Skateboard Big Air Rail Jam
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 31, 2009
1) Danny Way - San Diego, CA - 92.00
2) Bob Burnquist - Rio De Janeiro, Brazil - 89.00
3) Rob Lorifice - Encinitas, CA - 88.33
4) Adam Taylor - Cocoa Beach, FL - 87.33
5) Andy Macdonald - San Diego, CA - 85.33
 
Skateboard Vert Am Finals
X Games 15
The Home Depot Center - July 31, 2009
 
1. Sam Bosworth - Cornwall, Britain - 85.00
2. Sam Beckett - Norwich, Britain - 76.00
3. Pedro Barros - Florianopolis, Brazil - 73.00
4. Ronaldo Gomes - Sao Paulo, Brazil - 69.00
5. Italio Penarrubia - Sao Paulo, Brazil - 61.00
 
Skateboard Big Air Finals
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 30, 2009
1. Jake Brown - Carlsbad, Calif. - 94.00
2. Bob Burnquist - Sao Paulo, Brazil - 94.00
3. Rob Lorifice - Encinitas, Calif. - 92.33
4. Adam Taylor - Coco Beach, Fla. - 90.66
5. Edgard Pereira - Sao Bernardo Do Campo, Brazil - 88.66
6. Andy Macdonald - San Diego, Calif. - 88.33
 
Skateboard Women’s Street Final
X Games 15
The Home Depot Center - July 30, 2009
1. Marisa Dal Santo - Chicago, Ill. - 374.00
2. Alexis Sablone - Brooklyn, N.Y. - 353.00
3. Elissa Steamer - San Francisco, Calif. - 350.00
4. Lacey Baker - Covina, Calif. - 323.00
5. Vanessa Torres - Silver Lake, Calif. - 281.00
6. Leticia Bufoni - Sao Paulo, Brazil - 278.00
7. Amy Caron - Huntington Beach, Calif. - 261.00
8. Evie Bouilliart - Huntington Beach, Calif. - 252.00
9. Abisha Alshebaiki - Temecula, Calif. - 196.00
10. Tamara Drybrough - Port Coquitlam, Canada - 124.00
 
Skateboard Vert Women’s Finals
X Games 15
The Home Depot Center - July 30, 2009
Note: Scores not listed because Disney X Games didn’t bother posting them.
1. Lynz Adams Hawkins - Cardiff by the Sea, Calif.
2. Karen Jonz - Santo Andre, Brazil
3. Gaby Ponce - Tenafly, N.J.
4. Cara-Beth Burnside - Encinitas, Calif.
5. Julie Kindstrand - Santa Ana, Calif.
6. Mimi Knoop - Chesapeake, Va.
7. Allysha Bergado - El Segundo, Calif.
8. Elise Dabby - Del Mar, Calif.
 
Moto X Freestyle Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - Aug 1, 2009
1. Blake Williams - Baxter, Victoria (AUS) - 87
2. Jeremy Stenberg - Winchester, CA - 86
3. Nate Adams - Glendale, AZ - 82
4. Mat Rebeaud - Payerne, Switzerland - 81
 
Moto X Super X Men’s Final
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - Aug 1, 2009
1. Josh Hansen - Murrieta, CA - 46.94
2. Justin Brayton - Murrieta, CA - 46.84
3. Kevin Windham - Centreville, MS - 47.04
4. Matt Boni - Geneva, FL - 47.89
5. Nick Wey - Dewitt, MI - 48.39
6. Chris Blose - Phoenix, AZ - 47.57
7. Jeremy McGrath - Encinitas, CA - 48.08
8. Christian Craig - San Diego, CA - 47.87
9. Heath Voss - Mico, TX - 48.67
10. Daniel Blair - Lodi, CA - 48.58
11. Mike Sleeter - Temecula, CA - 51.64
12. Jason Lawrence - Summers Point, NJ - 46.38
13. Blake Wharton - Pilot Point, TX - 49.08
14. Max Anstie - Newbury (GBR) - 51.54
15. Josh Grant - Riverside, CA - 47.15
16. Cole Mort - Glendive, CA - 92.68
 
Moto X Super X Women’s Final
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - Aug 1, 2009
1. Ashley Fiolek - Saint Augustine, FL - 372.47
2. Jessica Patterson - Tallahassee, FL - 375.82
3. Elizabeth Bash - Riverside, CA - 397.32
4. Sherri Cruse - Bakersfield, CA - 398.58
5. Jacqueline Strong - Sedona, AZ - 419.01
6. Tarah Geiger - Aguadilla, PRI - 428.20
7. Sayaka Kaneshiro - Torrance, CA - 431.21
8. Penni Cyrus - Queen Creek, AZ - 441.08
9. April Zastrow - Kuna, ID - 632.36
10. Tatum Sik - Temecula, CA - 972.93
 
MOTO X SuperMoto Final
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - Aug 1, 2009
1) Ivan Lazzarini - Pesaro, Italy - 29:32.710
2) Mark Burkhart - Pataskala, OH - 29:34.388
3) Adrien Chareyre - Anduze, France - 29:45.005
4) Sylvain Bidart - Gan, France - 29:54.038
5) Cassidy Anderson Provo, UT - 29:58.120
6) Brandon Currie - Anaheim, CA - 29:59.727
7) Jeff Ward - Newport Beach, CA 30:01.627
8) Derek Costella - Las Vegas, NV 30:04.808
9) Micky Dymond - Placentia, CA - 30:07.415
10) David Pingree - Temecula, CA - 30:11.407
11) Danny Casey - Vacaville, CA - 30:20.731
12) Matt Burton - Ottumwa, IA - 30:23.556
13) Kurt Nicoll - Cambridge, GBR - 30:29.512
14) Darryl Atkins - San Clemente, CA - 30:30.515
15) Jason Conlon - Mt. Airy, MD - 30:45.366
16) Steve Bonsey - Salinas, CA - 30:51.126
17) Steve Drew - Buckeye, AZ - 30:57.971
18) JR Schnabel - Campbellsport, WI 31:52.480
19) Carey Hart - Las Vegas, NV - 34:17.632
20) Joey Pascarella Vacaville, CA - 36:06.903
 
Moto X Best Trick
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 31, 2009
1. Kyle Loza - Foothill Ranch, CA - 89.20
2. Blake Williams - Baxter, Victoria (AUS) - 88.00
3. Todd Potter - Winchester, CA - 83.40
4. Travis Pastrana - Carlsbad, CA - 61.40
5. Paris Rosen - Apple Valley, MN - 57.80
6. Charles Pages - Tosse, France - 55.00
7. Scott Murray - Yelps, MI - 51.80
8. Willy Watts - Broken Arrow, OK - 37.60
 
Moto X Super X Adaptive
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - July 31, 2009
1.  Chris Ridgway - Cypress, Calif. - 314.69
2.  Mike Schultz - Pillager, Minn. - 324.38
3.  Jason Woods - Highlands, N.C. - 331.50
4.  Jim Wazny - Merrill, Mich. - 344.80
5.  Ricky James - Murrieta, Calif. - 345.37
6.  Samuel Erasmus - Stilfontein, South Africa - 346.40
7.  Theodore Hiracheta - Carlisle, Iowa - 347.29
8.  Jesse Gildea - Osceola, Iowa - 372.06
9.   Nick Pappas - Livermore, Calif. - 576.15
10.  George Hammel - Tucson, Ariz. - 580.45
11.  Ranel Cox - Tucson, Ariz. - 591.57
12.  Shane Tacker - Bono, Ariz. - 617.96
 
MOTO X Step Up
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 30, 2009
1) Ricky Carmichael - Havana, FL - 34.00 feet
2) Ronnie Renner - Tampa, FL - 34.00 feet
3) Matt Buyten - Minden, NV - 33.00 feet
4) Jeremy McGrath - Encinitas, CA - 32.00 feet
5) Kenny Windham - Centreville, MS - 30.00 feet
6) Brian Deegan - Bellevue, NE - 26.00 feet
 
Moto X Best Whip
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 30, 2009
Note:  Winner selected by text message voting.
 
1) Todd Potter - Temecula, CA - 42%
2) James Stewart - Haines City, FL - 21%
3) Ricky Carmichael - Havana, FL - 17%
4) Josh Grant - Riverside, CA - 10%
5) Myles Richmond - Cherry Valley, CA - 6%
6) Ronnie Renner - Tampa, FL - 4%
 
BMX Freestyle Vert Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 1, 2009
1. Jamie Bestwick - State College, Pa.
2. Simon Tabron - Liverpool, Britain
3. Chad Kagy - Gilroy, Calif.
4. Jimmy Walker - Ocala, Fla.
5. Dennis McCoy - Kansas City, Mo.
6. Coco Zurita - Santiago, Chile
7. Tim Wood - Brisbane, Australia
8. Jay Eggleston - Denver, Colo.
9. Kevin Robinson - East Providence, R.I.
10. Zack Warden - St. Louis, Mo.
 
BMX Freestyle Park Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 1, 2009
1. Scotty Cranmer - Jackson, N.J.
2. Diogo Canina - Amparo, Brazil
3. Gary Young - San Diego, Calif.
4. Ryan Guettler - Beenleigh, Australia
5. Corey Bohan - Brisbane, Australia
6. Daniel Dhers - Caracas, Venezuela
7. Rob Darden - Greenville, N.C.
8. Jeremiah Smith - Cincinnati, Ohio
9. Dennis Enarson - San Diego, Calif.
10. Chase Hawk - Austin, Texas
 
BMX Freestyle Big Air
X Games 15
STAPLES Center - July 31, 2009
1) Kevin Robinson - East Providence, RI - 91.00
2) Chad Kagy - Gilroy, CA - 90.33
3) Dave Mirra - Greenville, NC - 89.66
4) Allan Cooke - Temecula, CA - 89.33
5) Anthony Napolitan - Youngstown, OH - 87.66
6) Morgan Wade - Tyler, TX - 82.33
 
BMX Freestyle Street Finals
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - July 31, 2009
 
1.  Garrett Reynolds - Toms River, N.J. - 419.00
2.  Ty Morrow - West Palm Beach, Fla. - 412.00
3.  Van Homan - Pennsville, N.J. - 403.00
4.  Nathan Williams - Nashville, Tenn. - 395.00
5.  Brian Kachinsky - Chicago, Ill. - 387.00
6.  Corey Martinez - Decatur, Ala. - 379.00
 
Rally Car Racing
X Games 15
Home Depot Center - August 2, 2009
1. Kenny Brack - Arvika, Sweden
2. Travis Pastrana - Annapolis, MD
3. Tanner Foust - Capistrano Beach, CA
4. Brian Deegan - Bellevue, NE
5. Andrew Comrie-Picard - Toronto (CAN)
6. Andi Mancin - Bielsko-Biala (POL)
7. Ken Block - Rancho Santa Fe, CA
8. Dave Mirra - Greenville, NC
9. Piotr Wiktorczyk - Chicago, Ill
10. Art Gruszka - Chicago, Ill
11. Matt Johnson - Apex, NC
12. Jimmy Keeney - Colorado Springs, CO

The U.S. Open of Surfing (sponsored by the ruler of ALL sports – Nike) and the Disney Summer X Games represent some of the worst in everything – gluttony, greed, vanity, shallowness, the works.  Apart from the vanity part (we all want to see hot skin), it’s rotted action sports to the core.  There is a bright side for this year’s version of the U.S. Open though: A macking south swell and a bevy of heavy hitters starring Kelly Slater looking to cash in on the $100,000 grand prize.

I would like to say that we’ll keep you updated with all the latest happenings, but I then I would be lying.  And lying, folks, is the purest certainty we can promise our readers we will never do.  You’ll find some photos (hopefully including some 7 a.m. standard walks of shame) plus recaps and results from the finals.  If you want more info, you can check out some of the other phuggy sites out there who think people over 16 still care about most of this crapola.

Note: This piece, which is simplistic, shallow, and lacking of anything outside vitriol opinion, is everything that is right with the Hater’s Corner.

Added note: The folks over at SkatePunk seem to share our sentiments, and even added a picture of their own.