Note: This story is a special contribution from Nugable.  Go to his website for hilarious, insightful and honest surfing revelations.

Now that Mick Fanning has made the world title an actual race again after back-to-back wins at Trestles and France, I thought it would be relevant to take a trip back to memory lane and critique the most undeserving world champions in ASP history. Perhaps undeserving is the wrong word. All five tallied enough points to win the title, but all of them left surf fans empty inside.

5. Mick Fanning (2007)
Don’t look now but Fanning’s back in form and ready to rock us to sleep with his ultra-quick yet relatively conservative approach. Fanning attacks crappy, two-foot surf like the Kardashian sisters attack black, professional athletes. His head is huge. To his credit, the dexterity and strength needed to keep that bobblehead from tipping over and smacking his board every time he hits the lip is extraordinary. Twenty years from now we might look back and realize his main contribution to the sport was a sandal with a bottle opener on the bottom. Bottoms up.

4. Damien Hardman (1987, 1991)
This two-time champ was the ultimate three-to-the-beach competitor. His Brillo pad, curly locks looked like pubic hair trying to escape the nether regions. He made up for quality with quantity. Hardman clearly wasn’t lactose intolerant because he could milk anything thrown his way. It’s rumored he once did thirty-six turns on a 15-yard ankle-high wave in Chiba, Japan. One year later Slater won his 1st of nine titles and surf fans worldwide rejoiced.

3. Barton Lynch (1988)
In 1988 surfing was like NASCAR. It was huge. Florescent colors and mullets were the norm. There was an ASP contest every other weekend and surf companies were thriving. That same year the Soviets pulled out of Afghanistan and President Ronald Reagan was trying to remember his wife’s name. The lanky Australian won just two of the 24 ASP events but took home the trophy anyway.

2. Peter Townend (1976)
In 1976 America celebrated its bicentennial and there were 14 events on the IPS tour. Peter Townend didn’t win any of them, but somehow still won the first-ever professional surfing world title. The VCR was introduced the same year and no one has used the recording device to study his surfing since. I kid Peter. Nice man. Really. I kid.

1. CJ Hobgood/Osama bin Laden/Halliburton (2001)
Right now Ceej is one of the 10 best in the world, and probably the best goofyfoot since Occy, but in 2001 after the 9/11 attacks sports took a back seat. The tour was reduced to 5 events and CJ won the title with an asterisk attached. The real winners were the terrorists and defense contractors. This week an arm of General Electric (a defense contractor) loaned Quiksilver $200 million so they can keep the lights on (pun intended). The hopes of another title for CJ are as dim as Osama bin Laden’s Tora Bora hideout..

Mick Fanning celebrates with the Brazilian fans. Pierre Tostee/ASP